It may be a cliché, but like most clichés, it has the ring of truth to it: communication is key to a successful relationship. Personally, I believe that communication is also key to a happy, healthy and mutually fulfilling sex life. For those women who do not regularly and consistently reach orgasm during intercourse, this advice is especially pertinent.
You can’t expect things to get better if you don’t talk to your lover. However, I appreciate that it can be an embarrassing and downright awkward subject to broach. So, how can you tell your lover what you want?
Choose the Right Moment
With many things in life, timing is everything. This is certainly true when it comes to discussing your sex life with your partner. I would highly recommend against bringing up the fact that you’re not quite satisfied with sex just before, during or directly after you have made love. At these times, the male ego is particularly fragile and even the most well-phrased suggestion is likely to be construed as a criticism.
In fact, it’s probably best to avoid having the discussion in the bedroom. Choose a time when you’re both feeling relaxed and comfortable and open the conversation with a non-threatening statement, such as “I was thinking it might be nice to try some new things in the bedroom.”
Use Positive Reinforcement
If there are things that your lover does that don’t exactly ring your bell, it can be tempting to say, “I hate it when you do…” However, this will result in a bruised ego, he will become defensive and the lines of communication will be shut down.
So, rather than point out where he’s going wrong, tell him where he’s going right. Make sure that you mention all of the things he does that you love, and tell him that you’d really like it if he did more of that. Unlike being critical, this will boost his confidence and he’ll be receptive to your request for more of the same. With a bit of luck, if you keep mentioning the things you love, but not the things you don’t, those less favorable habits or behaviors will fall by the wayside.
Guide Him During Sex
Far too many women shy away from telling their lovers exactly what they want during sex. Now, I know, I said don’t bring up the conversation during intercourse. I’m not suggesting that you engage in conversation at this point, but I do think you should be vocal about what he’s doing that really turns you on. You may think that your little noises are enough to tell him what you need from him, but they aren’t. Instead, try to be as specific as you can be about what you need. Gently, firmer, faster, slower, lower, higher – you get the picture.
In addition, if he’s getting it right, be sure that you’re exuberant about the way you tell him. Not too exuberant, obviously, because he might suspect that you’re faking. However, if he’s making you feel good, be sure to let him know just how good!
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